You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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