ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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