me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
