Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
