Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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