i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
