Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
