One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
