It's Friday. Sex?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Rumble strips road head = magical
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
