before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
