found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
