i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize