Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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