Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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