His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
