All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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