you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
