i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
