if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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