sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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