We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
