I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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