I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
