Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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