Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
