Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
