I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
