and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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