I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
