i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
