You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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