She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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