The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize