I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
