Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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