new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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