I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
