There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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