K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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