i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
