I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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