Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
