4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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