Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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