4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
