I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
