You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
