I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
