He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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