oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
