I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
