This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
