she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
