I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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