Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
