He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
