So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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