how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
