there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
