Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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