I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
