Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
