i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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